realization

I have realized some things myself. I have realized that probably the main appeal to music to me is lyrics. I suck at communicating.. I suck at determining what the hell I am feeling most of the time let alone how to put them into words. Then there is music...words formed so perfectly with precision to my emotions. And I realized that this beautiful capturing of life can be found in all genres of music... even types that I might feel proud to admit to liking. Ok lets get it out already right... it's KELLY CLARKSON.. delicious southern belle that one is. So I was in my...so like me.. marriage prep class right and Mr. Teach incorporates this video, Because of You, by this little minx into the lesson. Fine I was weeping in class. I hate when music moves me like that, at least in class of all places. So I realized then, that I can finally make an excuse for my tacky tactics of dating. I have chosen a reason for my staggering ability to commit and cut through the games of it all. It's not like I enjoy the games... I DON'T... it's just I become so flooded with insecurities and self-doubts and honestly, fear of ultimate failure, that strickens me from making any forward progress. I don't see how I'll ever get married. I've dated guys before that I've been crazy about, but none that I could conceive bringing to the alter... I just can't fathom what it would take for me to get to that point of a relationship where I would actually do it. It would require much alchohol and a bat, and probably some VegaVegaVegas. I love my parents, and I am glad of what I've become via their influence. I'm not excusing myself for being such a freak, or putting blame, I am finally seeing why I am the way that I am, but have yet to find a solution to it all. Insecurities are freakin beautiful and they make us so perfectly individual. I like that I'm confused I think. I am just seeing that people are truly different and you have to take different routes to care for peoples individual needs. Friends, and lovers, please have patience...this is my warning label.

My Video choice of the Week. Because of you.
http://music.aol.com/artist/main.adp?artistid=542180

I've decided to stop being so lame. I went to the movies last night with some old friends and who in the hell do you think I would run into? Yes some old flame. Now I could have handled myself under most circumstances, but Veronica had convinced me that we needed to dress abit trashy to celebrate our rebellious and freedom from the manfolk. Whatever. I wasn't dressed that trashed to all those who are pointing fingers at me. Please remove the mote from your own eyes. Anyways. The last thing I wanted to do was make the, soon to be regretful, ex feel justified for us being 'seperated' by proving that I had low standards and was really nothing more than a high class hoochie. I must go down always with awe and respect ya know, and this would surely not be the case. Fine, I evaded my entrance to make sure he was long gone. make it all the way to the theatre door, and ef*&(^*^%$$##%... he leaves from the theatre next to it.... with, what everyone agreed on, appeared to be a date. Damn men to hell. I'm glad he thinks he can move on. Oh ps... I had hiked my skirt down so it looked quite modest. ... HAAAA. I was despite my best efforts shocked, and slightly broken, but I managed to smile and wave and I am pretty sure the slut/whore/wannabemyreplacementbutshe'llneveramount was hideous and smelled of poo.
How is it that boys that date me always manage to find girls so quickly after me, that are soooo far better than me.... Is it so wrong that this course of behavior leads one to question her own worth and look closer to make sure that her eyes are even on her face etc. I know I am not that frickin awesome, but I know that I am working on it continually and plan to never stop trying to become awesome. So what that I'm not there yet... I'm planning on getting there and I'm planning on there being a handful of jackoffs that doubted my potential, that WILL be blown away, and regretful, that they didn't try harder to keep me around. WAHAHAHAHA. Have people no faith? Whatever... I love life, I love my friends, and I feel soo ready to move on with that.

Song of the Day to you lovers of lyrics: Dolly Parton- Go to Hell


That should speak for itself.

Movie Must see: United States of Leiland

Disturbing yet very uplifting. LOOOve it. wattttch it.

musical genious

A short tribute to the beauty of Music. Music indeed is the great uniter of our times. When you think you feel alone, you're not, just dwell on the sweet tidings of ANY song and you'll soon realize that there are millions of others that have felt just like you. and yet we all go on. Keep moving lazy A.

Life throws you curve balls, you swing and you miss. Don’t tell me what it’s all about’cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out. Out of those chains, those chains that bind you. That is why I’m here to remind you. What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow. So far at least until tomorrowI’ll never fall in love again.
Something snapped me out of a dream that I was having. I'd falled down an elevator shaft but now I'm back again. There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all, and here i rest where disappointment and regret collide, lying awake at night

I went out driving trying to clear my head. I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left. I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this. And all the baggage that seems to still exist. It seems the only blessing I have left to my name, is not knowing what we could have been, what we should have been. Someday I'm gonna run across your mind. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm gonna be alright. While you're sleeping with your pride, Wishing I could hold you tight, I'll be over you And on with my life. You'll think of me.
I'll be loved I'll be loved, Like I never have known. The memories of you will seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs Like you never occurred. Someday I will be loved. I may feel alone when I'm falling asleep, And everytime tears roll down my cheeks, But you know my heart belongs to someone I've yet to meet. Someday I will be loved.

A new beginning

Arise from your lowly states of ugliness...be ugly no more my little ones. Aren't you sick of those days when your hair isn't perfectly mohawked and your accidently wore a black and a brown shoe? Well, thanks to me, the genious, I have comformed a way that will put an end to beauty. Without beauty there will be no way for us to feel ugly or to feel damned by the gods from the beginning. We shall exsist without neccesity for mirrors for our faces will be found in our neighbors. HAHMUAHAHA.. Listen here. I will be selecting 1000 of the most beautiful people, 1000 of the heinous freaks that robbie can't serve at Los Hermanos for fear he may puke, and 1000 of regular Joe's. We will relocate ourselves on an island. Maybe Antarctica so that way there will be no lounging on the beaches, but purely BABY MAKING. What these specimens will do is this: One UGLY person to one BEAUTIFUL person shall make an igloo and not leave until they are overflowing with children. This shall follow sort for all 1998 of the other DISGUSTING/BREATHETAKING others. The 1000 others shall be training in battle with the penguins to mastermind the art of ice-fighting. Once we have surpassed 3 generations of this spawning of LOVELY with HEINOUS we will travel to the mainland. There our Armies will kill all the UGly and the LiL PRETTIES and we will remain as a society of equally attractive personages never to rise above one another again because of our large busts or perfectly arched eyebrows or bunionless feet.. NEVER AGAIN AND WE WILL BE SOOOOO HAPPY!

priorly known as ice princess
mom was here

mom was here

Confusion

I am finding it very hard to make a post. Rather I keep creating new blogs. Help the idiots. Do you suppose that we all really do have 'gifts' and 'talents'? I am beginning to realize that mine are that I am purely an idiot. Really, if there remained no idiots then who would we compare the mighty to, to ensure that they were indeed mighty? Now some people may be saddened at the realization that they've become, and have always been an idiot. But I realize my talent is rare and unusual and sets the necessary contrast for those that are talented. And yet even more who's to say that those who are 'talented' aren't actually the idiots? I mean they are the ones that are wasting there time to develop selfish endeavors that will do nothing for world peace. They are the ones so self consumed with advancing they're own good that they might forget where the true importance of life lies. In the homeless. Yes, I do love the homeless. I must say after all in theory I am talented. Ha.

let it come down to this

This moment. I am sitting in Texas. In a little ransacked town in my wannabe trailer. My phone doesn't work here. Cricket. I can't help but wonder if I was to never leave this house what would happen to me. School would evaporate, work would fire me, and i'd get evicted. But with no way to contact me (if i had no internet), to what extent would someone go to hear from me. No one knows my home number there. would they think I was kidnapped or lost? Would people just assume I stayed in Texas. IS there anyone that would hire that FBI in my best interests to ensure I wasn't blended into bacon bits served at Denny's? Maybe I'm down by the River. and do you care? Insecurity is an issue bred into our civilization from a very young age. I am trying to deal with being the girl that talked to herself on the playground.